The benefits of working with a relationship coach are life-changing. Relationship coaching can transform your life from one ruled by resentment, confusion and anger to a life filled with happiness, confidence and authentic connection. As your relationship coach, I support you to strengthen your own power and influence within the relationship and together we will create a true partnership that brings you comfort, strength and peace. With relationship coaching, you can experience a connection with your partner that fortifies and empowers you rather than one that drains and exhausts you.

WHO CAN BENEFIT FROM RELATIONSHIP COACHING?

If you feel that your relationship is making you miserable and that too much of your time and energy has been wasted on making non-productive efforts to change things, then you are exactly the person who has much to gain from working with a relationship coach.

I KEEP TRYING TO MAKE THINGS CHANGE, BUT S/HE JUST DOESN’T WANT TO LISTEN?

One of the most common complaints that my clients bring to me is that they are frustrated and tired that their own efforts to try and resolve problems in the relationship meet with disinterest and denial from their partner. A fundamental principle that I work with is that we can only change ourselves. We only have power over what we choose to do. All the effort you put into trying to make someone else change is wasted energy; energy that you can better spend working on clarifying your own position and evaluating your options and choices. This really is life-changing work.

I FEEL ANGRY AT MY PARTNER ALL THE TIME.

Anger is a particularly destructive emotion when it starts to dictate the emotional tone in a relationship. Most people have not learnt how to use anger in a positive way. We tend to ‘save’ our anger until we feel justified in venting it in an uncontrolled rage. Venting brings only short-term relief because it tends not to resolve things for long. With my support, you can uncover the roots of your anger. There are numerous false issues that distract us and mask the real reasons for our anger. It is possible to learn to use anger as a constructive message that something is not right and then find ways of addressing your dissatisfaction firmly and clearly.

WE ARGUE ALL THE TIME!

How well do you use your anger? How successful are you both at getting across your own points of view when there is a difference of opinion? Ineffective fighting fuels your anger and self-righteousness. It leads to a cycle of blame, criticism and self-righteousness that is hard to break. Coaching can allow you develop communication skills so that you can state your beliefs, stand up for what is important to you, listen to the other person sensitively and then decide when you need to set boundaries that you will stand by and when you can allow compromise over the issues that are less significant for you.

WE’VE LOST ALL THE INTIMACY WE USED TO SHARE.

Sexual and emotional intimacies are the casualties of most relationship difficulties. Not only do you lose intimacy, you may lose the desire to even be intimate. Re-establishing intimacy is a key aspect to relationship coaching. It demands honesty, bravery and a tolerance for exploration. Many of the emotions that make you resist intimacy (anger, frustration, disappointment, bitterness) are difficult to shift because of all the assumptions that we make about the other person’s motivations and intentions. Often our assumptions have very little to do with your partner’s own feelings and ideas. Coaching helps you begin communicating with your partner in a fresh way, bringing new insights and understanding between the two of you.

SINCE HAVING CHILDREN WE JUST DON’T GET ON.

The effect of children on a relationship can make or break your intimate connection. Women often feel that motherhood comes to define them. They feel they face the occasional tedium and routine of childcare with little outside stimulation or appreciation whilst their partner receives external stimulation and reward from being able to work outside the home. It is a complicated situation. Neither partner feels appreciated and the desire for intimacy begins to shrivel. I have found that both partners need to learn more about how life is for the other one. Time has to be made to be alone away from the children. Anger and intimacy are common issues that are part of this scenario and we would deal with each in a way that empowers and strengthens your self-belief and confidence.

I FEEL THAT WE’VE GROWN APART AND NOW DON’T KNOW IF WE HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON ANYMORE?

Many people view any differences between themselves and their partner with great fear and anxiety. Managing the degree of closeness and distance we feel with a partner is the key task of any intimate relationship. We do not stay the same people. Everybody changes and this can be an exciting and joyful process. Relationship coaching enables you to gain perspective to see that you and your partner are going to change over time. You learn to view any emerging differences between you as opportunities for excitement and sharing. When both parties maintain an independence of self, the potential for intimacy is much greater than when people feel too needy and insecure to allow themselves to feel any degree of separation from their partner. The more you are both able to be happy away from each other, the more secure and intimate your partnership will be. Working on a joint vision of your future together can be very helpful and help you to see that personal growth can strengthen your relationship rather than threaten it.

S/HE WON’T STOP WORKING, FLIRTING, GOING OUT DRINKING WITH FRIENDS . . .

I am often approached by clients who believe that their partner does one (or maybe more) things that really annoy them and they would like my help to make them change. These partners may spend too much time working, flirting with other people, drinking with their friends or not making any effort to go out as a couple. These scenarios are all rooted in competition for our partner’s attention and a sense of your own disapproval about how his/her behaviour is affecting you. These are real problems but probably you don’t deal with them in the most constructive way? Together we work on enabling you to establish what limitations you need to set to allow you continue to feel valued and respected in the relationship. We also spend time looking at what you are doing whilst your partner is out doing whatever it is you dislike. Are there other interests/friends that might inspire you to not miss your partner so much? What could you do with the new energy you would experience if you spent more time focusing on your life plan and goals and less time thinking about how your partner is upsetting and annoying you? We do not allow a partner to do things that demonstrate a deep lack of respect, love and care for you. Neither do we expect that someone will necessarily change just because we want them to. We can ensure that you learn to communicate how you are feeling in a non-judgemental and non-critical way. Together we will enable you to state your beliefs and feelings and stand up for the way you wish to be treated whilst we also inject a fresh burst of energy and enthusiasm into your life by focusing on the person you are who is separate from your partner.

When we work together, regardless of whether it is worries about sex or your relationship that brings us together, we will create a process of change that puts you in charge of making yourself happy , allowing your partner to be intimate and ensuring that you are happy, confident and excited about your sexual potential.

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