|
SEXPERIENCE UK 2011
One of the most common anxieties that I help my clients resolve relates to debunking myths about the importance of sexual experience. Many people who feel they lack sexual experience believe this to be a massive stigma that will prevent them from forming a sexual bond with a future partner. They feel guilt and shame about being a virgin whilst most of their peer group are not, or perhaps they feel they have had fewer sexual partners than they 'should' or they believe that the number of people you have sex with is somehow related to how desirable you are and how good you are as a sexual partner.
Clients in their 20s sometimes feel a great deal of shame about being a virgin. I can tell you that 23.5% of people surveyed lost their virginity between ages 19 and 30. Only 18.4% had sex before they were 16. 43% lost their virginity between 16 and 18. There are many people who do not choose to have sex until they are well into their 20s and this needs to be respected as a choice the person has made. This choice may no longer serve the person well and that is the time to work with a coach to find a way to make better choices, to give yourself permission to be sexual and to start to enjoy your own sexuality.
I also tell people that, contrary to what we may read and see in popular media, most people do NOT have endless wanton one-night stands! 38.5 % of people had NEVER had a one-night stand and 35.1% had had between 1 and 5. Only about 14% of those surveyed has had more than 6. I hope this is encouraging to those of you who my feel somehow lacking due to a shortage of one-night stand experience. One-night stands often arise out of an indiscriminate desire to have sex rather than a powerful chemistry and attraction towards a particlar person and are more to do with pride, validation and desperation than exploring your empowered and strong sexuality.
34.4% have had between 1 and 5 sexual partners. 18% had between 6 and 10. Only 7.7% had over 20. Sometimes I do think that we are all under the impression that everyone has more and better and more unusual sex than we do but it is often simply not true. If you have had 4 sexual partners, then you are not strangely frugal in your sexual partnering but are one of the majority. Surely I do not need to tell anybody that having more partners does not make you a better lover?
Favourite sexual positions? The top 3. At number one is girl on top with 22.4% and preferred more by men. 2. Doggy style with 17.6 % and pretty equal preference with men and women and at number 3, missionary position with 17.3% and scored higher with women. So there are 3 positions that would keep most people happy. If you feel you lack experience, acquaint yourself with the theory of those three and you won't get overwhelmed by variety but can gain enough confidence to believe that you have enough knowledge to make your partner very happy.
Something to cheer up the cynics? Only 31.7% of people admitted to cheating on a partner whilst 66.3% said they had not. The rest preferred not to say.
34.7% of people have gone without sex for longer than a year since they lost their virginity. Does this surprise you? It doesn't surprise me because I speak to clients in that position. They typically feel odd that they have waited so long but obviously it is pretty common and far from unusual.
Going through a survey like this highlights the futility of trying to compare yourself with other people. I hope it has helped you to believe that most likely you are not odd or weird but are probably pretty much like the rest of the population. The next question of course is are you happy with that? One of the things that I most love about my work is when I am coaching someone who comes to me feeling ashamed, hopeless and embarrassed about their sexuality and their experience (or lack of it) and who leaves coaching recognising that they have a far closer connection to their erotic potential than most other people. They realise that they can be braver, more open and more adventurous than people who may have had 50 sexual partners but who have never truly explored their own or another's sexuality and deepest desires. And that is very empowering to discover.
Caoching is about empowering you to discover more about your own unique sexuality, preferences, potential, sexual style and helping you to experience your sexuality as a source of joy and promise at the core of your being. A powerful and strong sexuality can support you, inspire you and leave you centred and in control of how you choose to express yourself regardless of what anybody else does or thinks.
| 
WHO AM I?