|
<<< BACK TO THE NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE PAGE
|
WELCOME TO THE MAY ISSUE OF VENTURESQUE
 THE INTERESTING ISSUE
A month tinged with sadness as the dear father of one of my closest friends died suddenly and unexpectedly. Peter Watson, many many people loved and will miss you greatly now. After Peter's celebratory funeral service I spent time with beloved friends and felt lucky to know such special people with whom I can share my joys and who will comfort me and be comforted by me through our sadnesses.
To completely and abruptly change the tone, welcome to the INTERESTING issue. This month:
find out why being active during sex may have more to do with your orgasm than anything that your partner does
women, what is your C-V distance and how can it explain the likelihood of you being able to orgasm through intercourse alone?
what's your worst sexual habit?
|
|
DETAILS OF MY COACHING SERVICES AND MY
|
|
DR TARA'S TOP TIP : GET MOVING AND KEEP MOVING
There are some interesting findings from recent research undertaken at Emory University, Atlanta, USA. Psychologists have been questioning women about their experiences of orgasm and, in particular, those women who achieve orgasm through intercourse with relative ease. Women reported that, for them to orgasm, it made little or no difference what their partner does (unless he comes too soon). It is the degree of ACTIVE SEXUAL PARTICIPATION by the woman that is significant. The women who said that they actively moves their bodies and who were keen to influence the angle, speed and pace of sexual activity were far more likely to report achieving orgasm that those who relied on their partner's movement and thrusting to produce their own satisfaction. Wild and intense thrusting from the man bears little responsibility for the woman's orgasm, contrary to much of what we read and see on television/in films. The lesson seems to be don't wait for your partner's penis to magic you up an orgasm, get moving and make it happen by yourself.
|
|
|
IS SEXUAL ANATOMY YOUR DESTINY? WHAT IS YOUR C-V DISTANCE?
Many women with whom I speak remain frustrated and confused by their inability to orgasm through intercourse alone. New research suggests that the distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening is highly significant in predicting a woman's orgasmic ease through intercourse. Professor Kim Wallen at Emory University believes that this C-V distance may account for the differences between women in reaching orgasm through thrusting alone.
A quick anatomy lesson. Most of the time the word vagina is used inaccurately to talk about the outer (visible) female genitalia, an area correctly called the vulva. The vagina is an internal structure, inside the body. The C-V distance is between your vaginal opening (the hole at the entrance to the vagina) and the clitoris (the bud-like or button-like knob above the vaginal opening).
Wallen has found that women with a C-V distance of less than one inch/2.5cm reliably experience greater likelihood of orgasming through intercourse alone. The closer the clitoris is to the vaginal opening, the more direct stimulation is received by the clitoris from thrusting during intercourse.
So, is anatomy destiny? Wallen found that only 7% of women reliably orgasm through intercourse and 27% never do. That leaves the majority of women somewhere in the middle, perhaps having occasional but unpredictable intercourse orgasms. When I work with women clients, we typically find that actually her orgasms are not as random as she may believe. Much of my coaching work helps people to recognise their own unique conditions for great, satisfying sex. What makes sex great is a combination of partner/relationship issues (the emotional context of sex), self-confidence (your feelings about yourself and your life in general) and communication and sexual self-knowledge (being able to ask/show what turns you on).
Wallen's research leads him to state that 'I don't think that the ability to have an orgasm from no-hands, penis-only intercourse says anything about a happy sex life' and I am inclined to agree. It is not the case that orgasms arise from some point and press sexual stimulation. Your erotic responsiveness is down to your feelings, attitudes and beliefs about yourself, your sexuality (confidence, desirability) and your partner as much as it is about your anatomy. |
THE SEX QUESTION is my monthly quest to stimulate your sexual mind and imagination with challenges to the way you commonly think about your sexual self and potential.
This month I ask you WHAT IS YOUR WORST SEX HABIT?
Ha, if you are especially brave you could ask a partner! If you lack the mental toughness for that, I believe that you can identify something that you do sexually that you know is not great for you or your partner. Most of us would prefer to consider our partner's failings rather than our own if we aren't sexually happy. As I have said many times before, the only person you have power over is yourself. You can change. It is far harder to make someone else change first. Below is a list of some of the common complaints that I hear from clients. Can you honestly say that you are innocent of them all?
do you tend to be lazy? selfish?
do you expect the other person to take all the responsibility for making sex good?
are you refusing to take any risks?
do you take sex too seriously and forget that sex can be accompanied by fun and laughter?
do you never initiate sex?
do you stick to a rigid routine that may have worked once but is now overly familiar and a little boring?
My challenge to you? Pick one that resonates with you (and if nothing there seems relevant, you will be able to think of something that does) and resolve to break this habit for at least 2 weeks. You will be taking charge of your sexuality and that is the first step to a happier sexual future.
|
|
 WHO AM I?
You have been reading a newsletter lovingly crafted by me,
Dr Tara Few, The UK Sex Coach. I work as a sex, relationship and singles coach.
Sex coaching helps you to make sex about pleasure not performance. You can increase your confidence, calm your sexual anxieties, explore your sexual style and remove the emotional and physical blocks that might reduce your capacity for sexual and sensual pleasure. I work with people who have chosen to do all that they can to make their ideal sex life a reality.
Relationship coaching helps you to communicate more successfully, reduces conflict and enables you to understand your own and your partner's needs, priorities and desires by working out what's not working, what needs to change and how to move forward. It is also about fun and excitement and discovering things about yourself and each other that you never knew. My clients are people who feel that something important is missing from their relationship and who often aren't sure whether the relationship is worth saving.
Singles coaching will help you to reflect upon the role that you want a relationship to play in the new and exciting life that you will make for yourself. Are YOU ready for a relationship? Well find out. I work with people who want to build their self-knowledge, self-esteem and to massively increase their confidence, optimism, purpose and joy in life.
|
|
|
WOULD YOU LIKE TO WORK WITH ME?
I coach individuals and couples to get in touch with what makes them sexually happy, confident and fulfilled, resolve relationship dissatisfactions and help you to discover a life full of hope, passion and purpose.
Sex, relationship and singles coaching helps you to examine your life, your relationship (or lack of one) and sexual satisfaction and enables you to bring back optimism, courage and direction to the sex life you create and the person you want to become.
GET YOUR SELF, YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR SEX LIFE BACK IN BALANCE.
Get in touch with me now to arrange a free consultation.
If you know that your sex life is making you feel frustrated and frustrating, bored and boring, undesirable and without desire, then get in touch to arrange a time for us to talk. I offer a free 20-30 minute consultation, in which we can get to know each other better and decide how well we might work together.
Almost all sexual problems are resolvable when you face up to where your sex life is going wrong. You can choose not to settle for second-best and to make your sex life about confidence, pleasure and play rather than sadness, resentment and disappointment.
I would love to hear any comments, suggestions about issues you would like to read about in future and I am happy to answer reader questions in future newsletters.
I will never limit your sexual potential and fully support all forms of sexual behaviour between consenting adults.
I WOULD LIKE TO ENLIST YOUR HELP IN BUILDING MY READERSHIP.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL USING THE LINK BELOW TO ANY PEOPLE YOU THINK WILL BE INTERESTED. |
|
