5 GREAT THINGS ABOUT
SELF-PLEASURE
Yes, I am
talking about masturbation but a lot of people are a bit scared of that
word so I'm trying not to freak you out before I've had a chance to work on
your mind with my masturbation masterclass. Not
that I will actually be telling you how to do it, but I am going to do my
best to show you how sexual self-exploration is key to improving or
enhancing your sex life.
When I
work with clients, it seems sad that masturbation, so crucial to sexual
confidence and self-knowledge, is so little appreciated. People rarely get
excited thinking about masturbating more often. This months' task for me is
to try and help you to change your mindset about self-plesasure
and enable you to realise that your sexual relationship with yourself has
an enormous impact upon the quality of your sex life.
1. It
improves body image and body confidence
How do you
feel about your own body? Are you happy with it? Feel as if you don't
understand it? Feel almost separate from it? Ashamed of it? Would you enjoy
feeling that your body is valued and appreciated? The feelings and thoughts
that you have about your body directly affect the quality of your sex life.
If you don't
enjoy your own body, it's extremely difficult to believe that someone else
could. When you can see your own body as capable of giving and receiving
pleasure, then it becomes far easier to share your pleasure with another
person.
2. It
increases your sexual self-knowledge
Masturbation
is a golden opportunity to explore your own very unique sexual response and
style. Could you tell someone what type of stroke, pressure, stimulation works best to arouse you? If you can't, then
it's time for some self-experimentation. You may learn things about your
sexual profile that can generate new ideas and possibilties
for your sex life. The vast majority of women can bring themselves to
orgasm via masturbation. Once you can do that, then you are able to show or
tell a partner what you need to happen in order for you to orgasm.
3. It
allows you to explore your fantasy world
Developing
and becoming aware of the specific imagined scenarios that will arouse you
most easily is a great resource for thinking about your sexual persona and
the degree of light and dark that make up
your sexual identity. Sometimes people are most aroused by images that
embarrass and bewilder them. Part of becoming a sexual adventurer is accepting
and celebrating your sexuality and learning to reject other people's
opinions as to what sex 'should' be like and about. Many people require
specific mental images to accompany orgasm, to push them over the edge, so
it is worth getting to know your fantasies well and being able to feel
comfortable with whatever it is that turns you on.
4. It
enables you to remain a vibrantly sexual person with or without a partner.
Knowing
that you can take care of yourself and your sexual needs is something to be
proud of. It is psychologically very freeing to know that you are
able to generate sexual energy by yourself. You get to take responsiblity for and be in control of your sexual
pleasure.
Some
people find it hard to accept a partner who masturbates even though she or
he is having regular sex within a relationship. It does not mean that they
are not happy with their sex life. It does not mean that you have failed in
some way if this happens. It simply means that this person enjoys having a
sexual connection with themselves.
5. You
have a better quality sex life
In almost
every survey carreid out, people who masturbate
regularly report having better sex than those who do not. The benefits in
terms of increased confidence, less inhibition, reduced self-consciousness
about being naked and an impressive familiarity with one's own body all
mean that you have a strong and secure sexual connection with yourself that enhances the sexual connections that you make
with other people.
Is
masturbation ever a bad thing?
In my
opinion, no. The two main areas that can be detrimental to partner sex are
to do with compulsive masturbation as a way of dealing with
emotional/external stressors and becoming stuck in a very rigid
position/scenario pattern that is difficult to reproduce with a partner.
At the
risk of generalising, the former is more typical of men who associate
orgasm with a temporary but rewarding emotional and physical release and
who can become compulsive in times of severe stress or when experiencing
intimacy/emotional issues. Masturbation becomes a substitute for talking
about a problem for some people.
The latter
seems more common among women who orgasm easily alone but find it hard to
do so with a partner. If you have assocaited your
orgasm with you being in a very specific position whilst your mind runs
through the same fantasy each time, this can be hard to replicate with
another person present.
Both of
these issues are perfectly solvable and sometimes awareness of what is
happening is enough to improve the situation.
If you
find yourself immediately rejecting my thoughts on masturbation, ask
yourself why this may be the case? What is behind it? Is it fear, distaste
or embarrassment? I believe that sexual fulfilment demands the
occasional push outside of what feels safe, right or familiar. How
far are you prepared to go outside of your comfort zone?
