G-SPOT FOR BEGINNERS

Let us consider male and female sexual anatomy in terms of how our sex organs developed out of embryonic tissue that was identical until a specific point in early foetal development. Sex researchers now believe that men and women's sexual anatomies share some similarities. For example, the clitoris, surrounded by spongy erectile tissue that swells during arousal, has been seen as equivalent to a penis. Likewise, the female G-spot located on the front wall of the vagina has an equivalent area in men that is highly sensitive to sexual stimulation, the prostate, located a few inches inside the rectum.

FEMALE G-SPOT Even sex researchers cannot truly agree as to whether this actually exists! It is most likely that a proportion of women do experience exquisite pleasure in a an area inside their vagina, some find this area highly uncomfortable and some women report feeling nothing at all. I would always suggest that if there is a possibility of finding pleasure, then give it a go and see what you find. Here are some facts to help you:

1. It is NOT A SPOT, it is an area!
2. The best time to find it is when you are ALREADY sexually aroused as the sensitive tissue has then become swollen and engorged and will be sensitive to stimulation.
3. Shamefully, this highly sensitive area of female sexual anatomy did not receive widespread attention until mentioned by Grafenberg in the 1950s. He wrote of 'an erotic zone that could always be demonstrated on the anterior wall of the vagina along the bourse of the urethra'. The best way to find it is to insert a finger into the vagina and curve it towards you in a beckoning motion. The G-spot is on the front wall of the vagina.
4. It is believed that the sensitivity of this area lies in its proximity to the urethra (which carries urine out of the body - and no women do not pee out of their vaginas and you would be surprised that some people think we do!). The urethra lies above the vaginal opening and seems to be surrounded by erectile tissue that swells during arousal. 
5. I think it is easier for someone else to find it than you by yourself or you can choose a specialised G-spot vibrator, which is curved to access this particular area. Experiment with different strokes, rhythms and types of touch. Ask for feedback if you are exploring and be willing to be specific if you are being explored.
6. Female ejaculation has been associated with G-spot stimulation and although whilst some women certainly do ejaculate through G-spot stimulation, they are also able to do so from other types of sexual stimulation. The fluid that women may ejaculate from the urethra (NOT the vagina) has been studied and it has a different chemical make-up to urine. We are not sure exactly what it is though! Many women are highly embarrassed by any ejaculation as they mistakenly believe they have peed themselves. This is not the case. Be happy that you have been sufficiently stimulated to produce such a response.

MALE G-SPOT

It entertains me that many men are so insistent on their liking of having anal sex with women, whilst they would never tolerate any sort of anal penetration themselves. Despite the fact that it is men who have a highly sensitive gland ripe with nerve endings inside their bottoms. Such hypocrisy:-) Because any sort of penetration brings an association with homosexuality many men are simply too scared and uncomfortable to even explore how much pleasure they may feel from prostate stimulation. I would urge men to develop their sexual sophistication to at least give this a try.

1. The prostate is a small gland, about the size of a walnut, which is located a few inches inside the bottom.
2. It can be stimulated from the outside (although not as effectively) by pressing an area between the base of the penis and the anus. More commonly though it is reached from inside the rectum, either by finger or by using a specialised prostate massager sex toy. So if you don't like the idea of  putting your finger up someone's bottom, you can still be part of it by using the massager.
3. As well as possessing sensitive nerve endings, stimulating of the prostate also indirectly stimulates the root of the penis.
4. Men who enjoy prostate stimulation often report that the resulting orgasm feels very different from intercourse and liken it to a kind of whole-body orgasm.
5. Use plenty of lubricant, have clean fingers and short nails. Go slowly and respond to your partner's feedback.
6. Do not move from touching the anus to vaginal touching as bacteria that live quite happily in the bottom can cause problems in the vagina.
7. Many men enjoy having a finger in their bottom just before orgasm, to intensify the experience but also some never discuss this with their partner as they expect them to feel horrified. It is a completely normal wish as prostate stimulation adds an intensity to orgasm.

I think some mutual exploration can be fun for any couple. If you are not comfortable please do not feel obligated to experiment. You would likely to be so tense that you could not relax anyway so respect your own boundaries and comfort level.

1. Choose a word that represents the aspect of yourself in your sexual journey that you wish to play with and develop at this point.

This word is key. It is going to sum up what you aspire to, what aspect of yourself you wish to develop and it is going to motivate you when things get difficult. Some of the words my clients have chosen are: pioneer, butterfly, explorer, fern, beast, adventurer, king, princess, lionheart, lily, blossom.

The word needs only to have meaning and significance for you.

2. Describe what this word represents; how does being this way express your sexuality? Write a paragraph detailing the kind of sexuality, sexual energy, desires and fantasies that this person embodies. How would being this way make you feel? What would you able to do differently. What fears would it take away?

3.How do you currently express this aspect of your sexuality? It may not be in your sex life or it may be only in fleeting moments or only when you are by yourself. Think carefully about how you live in the world and what aspects to choose to express in differing contexts.

 4.How do you stop yourself living this part of your sexuality?

Are you aware of negative self-talk, critical inner dialogue that berates you, judges you and limits you? What do you say to yourself?

5. What 3 things could you do to begin incorporating this important and powerful part of your sexuality into your life? No coaching exercise is complete without a 'name 3 things' ending! This part is to get you thinking about the direction you wish to pursue to reconnect with yours sexuality. A useful subquestion here is 'when, if ever did you last live out this aspect of your sexuality?'

WHO AM I?