5 WAYS TO STAY IN
CONTROL OF YOUR SEX LIFE
1 TAKE
RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN SEXUAL PLEASURE
Please stop
waiting for someone else to 'give' you an orgasm or for your partner to
'give' you great sex. We are each of us responsible for making sexual
fulfilment happen for us and absolving yourself of responsbility is
probably going to frustrate you rather than get you what you want. Do not
blame the other person as both of you were there! Most of the time when we
criticise someone else's sexual performance, we are revealing our own
insecurities and fears. If you have a unsatisfactory sexual
experience, learn from it and be determined to make the next one better.
2 KNOW WHAT TURNS
YOU ON
Can you bring
yourself to orgasm? If you can then you know what needs to be done and you
are capable of showing or telling someone else. When you know what type of
touch, position and mental arousal you need, then you are well on the
road to sexual satisfaction. The quality and type of sexual
connection that you have with yourself is an important part of your
likelihood of, and capacity for, sexua happiness.
3 BE ABLE TO
COMMUNICATE YOUR DESIRES TO A PARTNER
How many of us are
comfortable asking for what we want sexually? If you know what you want,
the next thing you need to do is be able to communicate this to another
person. Assertive, clear and compassionate sexual communication can be
learnt and when you are able to ask for what you need, all parties will no
doubt breathe a huge sigh of relief. Most partners appreciate being given
some hints. Most of us spend way too much time having sex with someone and
having absolutely no idea what is going on in their head. Nobody can read
your mind!
4 MAKE IT OK FOR
YOU OR YOUR PARTNER TO BE ABLE TO SAY NO - WITHOUT REPERCUSSIONS
I do not believe
that you never need to have sex for the sake of it, just because your
partner wants to. In a healthy realtionship both of you need to
be able to say no to sex and for this NOT to generate resentment and
conflict. If your confidence and security are based upon the vagaries of
your partner's sexual desire, then you are extremely vulnerable to being
thrown off course by feelings of rejection. Commit to finding your own
self-worth and value instead of allowing someone else to decide when you
can and when you cannot feel good about yourself.
5 LOVE YOUR BODY
If you are
harbouring feelings of disgust or distaste about the way you look, then
your sexual excounters are liable to be controlled by your anxieties rather
than your desire. When you are continually trying to navigate your way
into more 'flattering' positions, then your mind is, quite frankly, not
sufficiently on the job! Being mentally present is an important part
of many people's Good Sexual Experiences list and the
absence emotional connection is very easy for the other person to
spot.
Score yourself out
of 10 for each of these and find out where you are currently most in
charge of your sex life and where to look first if you want to have more
control over your sexual pleasure.
