This month, I ask you to think about and acknowledge your bad sex habit and to consider the consequences if you allow your bad habits to rule your sex life.

 

All bad sex habits will sap your desire and sexual energy over time. I have talked to many people about what does and does not work for them about their sex lives and have identified a number of bad sex habits.

 

1. LAZINESS - not surprising this one, I sure but it is easy to become lazy without even realising it. Generally we all tend to make less effort the further into a relationship we get and being aware of this can help you to change your sexual routine before sex becomes boring and mechanical. Laziness can mean expecting your partner to do all the work to turn you on, whilst you take their arousal for granted. Or it can mean thinking that quickie sex all the time is good enough.

 

2.TOO MUCH TECHNIQUE at the expense of real and authentic connection. Having a sexual partner with an imaginative repertoire is one thing but being with someone intent on showing off his or her 'special' moves, without any interest in whether you are 

actually enjoying it is a big turn-off for many people.

 

3. NEVER INITIATING sex can become extremely irritating, demoralising and frustrating for your partner. It is difficult to feel sexual and desirable if it is always your own desire, and never your partner's, that makes sex happen. It is not fair to expect your partner to always be the one taking the risks, the one having to act the sexual invitation of I want you now, do you want me?

 

4.SEEMING BORED, NO ENTHUSIASM. If you think about how sex is invariably exciting and intoxicating at the beginning, then what a travesty it is for sex to become something anticipated with boredom. Enthusiasm is probably one of the top 3 attributes of a great lover. It is more important than technique, because it can't necessarily be learned. It's no fun for you and less fun for your partner if you act bored throughout sex. If you are bored, then it is your responsibility to begin a conversation to shake things up a bit.

 

5. CONTROL FREAK. It is no fun being with a person who HAS TO be in control of everything; who has to decide what you do, when and what happens afterwards. When you think about your last few sexual encounters, did you insist on doing it all your way? Do you secretly think that you know best? Being someone who craves control is something likely to continue on outside the bedroom and for the effect to infect your sexual relationships. Many women especially have told me that their partner's insistence on being the dominant one and making all the important decisions completely killed their desire and soured their sex life.

 

6. POOR HYGIENE There is no excuse for this. If you are going to be sexual with someone, surely the very least you can do is make sure you smell nice.

 

7. BEING HYPERCRITICAL will really destroy your partner's confidence and desire. Some people, over time, seem to view sexual disappointment as their norm. Instead of talking to a partner about this or taking steps to be responsible for their own desire and pleasure, they adopt a weary stance of resignation, which communicates to their partner - and no actual words are necessary - that they cannot ever satisfy or pleasure you.

 

What are the qualities that enable people to keep on enjoying a pleasurable and intimate sexual connection? Confidence, communication and enthusiasm, all qualities that can be developed as long as you are prepared to work at sex so that you can have better play during sex. The Sex Question will help you to start appreciating yourself and your partner so that you can once again value and celebrate your sexual connection.