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WELCOME TO THE JULY ISSUE OF VENTURESQUE
 THE REALLY USEFUL ISSUE
It's gloriously hot here in Glossop and I am in a very sunny mood. Eden is sleeping well, I am feeling increasingly sane and rested and today I am going out - without Eden! - for a meal with some of my new mum friends. It is a massive treat for me to go anywhere without a baby and so I am savouring the anticipation of being with my friedns without our babies monopolising our attention.
Eden will be one this month and so we are planning a pizza and wine party, which admittedly may be more for us and our friends than for her given that she has no concept of friends or parties or birthdays. And doesn't eat pizza and doesn't drink wine. Whilst not understanding the concept of presents, she does know that new things are absolutely more interesting than old stuff.
So, this month I am sharing some information that I hope will be useful for some of you out there.
My top tip is abour remembering kissing.
The main article is about the STAMP TEST. This is a simple self-test that can determine whether erection problems are likely to be physical or psychological in origin.
In my ongoing efforts to increase sexual awareness everywhere, the Sex Question asks how do you stop yourself being sexually fulfilled? |
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NEW FOR SUMMER 2009 - LASER COACHING SESSIONS
30 MINUTES COACHING SESSIONS FOR £35
I started offering laser sessions to clients who wanted to continue coaching with me but needed a more affordable option. Originally I thought only to offer this as an option to current clients who had been working with me for a while but, due to some good successes with this method of coaching, I now want to extend it to brand new clients.
We would need an introductory call first (free!) to determine whether your situation is suitable to this type of coaching. I may decide that one initial one hour session is necessary before we begin the very focused coaching work, to ensure that you get the best value out of our work together.
Laser coaching works well with people who have very specific issues that they want to address and who like and are stimulated by focused and intense conversations.
DETAILS OF MY COACHING SERVICES AND MY
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DR TARA'S TOP TIP - DON'T FORGET KISSING
Kissing is something that we tend to do a lot in the beginning of a relationship but that often gets forgotten and neglected over time. Most men and women find kissing extremely arousing and erotic. Think slow and sensual rather than frantic and slobbery. If the only times you and your partner touch are when you one or both of you want sex, then kissing - just for the sake of it - has probably been forgotten.
When it comes to kissing mistakes, most people say they dislike a lot of tongue and the feeling of having their face chewed off. Kissing means licking as well but around the mouth area and not all over the face! I have not met too many fans of the lizard approach - tongue darting in and out of the mouth in an irritating manner. Use your hands as well to caress and stroke and alter the position and angle of your face sometimes, so you're not frozen in time for minutes at a time.
Kissing is valuable because it allows both of you to reconnect sensually with each other and, when it isn't always a prelude to sex, is a quick, easy and fun way to remind each other that there is a spark of sexual attraction that exists between you. | |
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SOMETHING USEFUL - THE STAMP TEST or NPT TEST
This test measures Nocturnal Penile Tumescence - i.e. do you get erections during the night? When a man has concerns about his erections, this easy test will help to indicate whether the problem is of physical or psychological origin. Men who do not have erections because of psychological problems can still have erections during deep sleep. Pretty much all men with normal erectile function will have an erection during the night and this test will indicate whether or not this is happening.
WHAT DO I DO?
You need a strip of 4-6 postage stamps and you need to do the test for 3 nights of comfortable and uninterrupted sleep.
Wear underwear that has a fly as this will help to keep the stamps in place during the night. Bring your penis through the fly, leaving most of your pubic hair against your body. Moisten and then wrap the strip of stamps snugly around the shaft of your penis. The stamps must overlap and be sealed around the penis. When the stamps are completely dry, place your penis back inside your underwear.
Results
When you wake up, check to see whether the ring of stamps has been broken.
A normal result is if the ring of stamps is broken between any 2 stamps on at least one of the three nights. This result indicates that psychological issues are impairing your erectile ability when you are awake.
If the ring is not broken on any night, it is worth making an appointment to see your GP as this may indicate that you have a physical and /or medications issue that is interfering with your ability to get erections.
Most physical causes of erection problems are related to damage to blood vessels (that impede blood flow into the penis), nerve damage (through surgery, for example) and also as a side effect of taking certain medications (e.g. most anti-depressants).
Psychological causes of erection difficulties are variable but most commonly related to anxiety, fear, shame and guilt.
ANYTHING ELSE?
Do not drink alcohol or take and sedative before the test. Both will impair your erectile ability and may give a misleading result.
The test is not completely foolproof. Occasionally, serious sleep disorders and depression can prevent night-time erections. If you are depressed, doing this test may give you an 'abnormal' result indicating a physical issue when in fact the depression has psychological causes. Also, the test does not indicate many important aspects of sexual function, such as quality, duration, or number of erections during the night.
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THE SEX QUESTION - HOW DO YOU STOP YOURSELF FEELING SEXUALLY FULFILLED?
It takes an awful lot of energy to keep a problem in place. Although many people resist change because they feel the energy and commitment necessary to achieve what they want seems too much for them, staying stuck in unhappiness also drains energy away from you. The longer you choose to stay stuck, the more you will gradually begin to lose faith in yourself and your ability to make change happen.
Answering this question restores to you a sense of your own power and capacity to affect great change for the better. You are the one with the power, the one with choices to make about how you want your sexual future to be.
I can't seem to relax enough to enjoy sex. I can't get reliable erections.
So, HOW DO YOU STOP YOURSELF?
Answer this question and you can start to reclaim the power and energy that you've been using to remain stuck and use it to break free of the emotions, beliefs and thoughts that are draining away your power.
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 WHO AM I?
You have been reading a newsletter lovingly crafted by me, Dr Tara Few, The UK Sex Coach. I work as a sex, relationship and singles coach.
Sex coaching helps you to make sex about pleasure not performance. You can increase your confidence, calm your sexual anxieties, explore your sexual style and remove the emotional and physical blocks that might reduce your capacity for sexual and sensual pleasure. I work with people who have chosen to do all that they can to make their ideal sex life a reality.
Relationship coaching helps you to communicate more successfully, reduces conflict and enables you to understand your own and your partner's needs, priorities and desires by working out what's not working, what needs to change and how to move forward. It is also about fun and excitement and discovering things about yourself and each other that you never knew. My clients are people who feel that something important is missing from their relationship and who often aren't sure whether the relationship is worth saving.
Singles coaching will help you to reflect upon the role that you want a relationship to play in the new and exciting life that you will make for yourself. Are YOU ready for a relationship? Well find out. I work with people who want to build their self-knowledge, self-esteem and to massively increase their confidence, optimism, purpose and joy in life.
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WOULD YOU LIKE TO WORK WITH ME?
I coach individuals and couples to get in touch with what makes them sexually happy, confident and fulfilled, resolve relationship dissatisfactions and help you to discover a life full of hope, passion and purpose.
Sex, relationship and singles coaching helps you to examine your life, your relationship (or lack of one) and sexual satisfaction and enables you to bring back optimism, courage and direction to the sex life you create and the person you want to become.
GET YOUR SELF, YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR SEX LIFE BACK IN BALANCE.
Get in touch with me now to arrange a free consultation.
If you know that your sex life is making you feel frustrated and frustrating, bored and boring, undesirable and without desire, then get in touch to arrange a time for us to talk. I offer a free 20-30 minute consultation, in which we can get to know each other better and decide how well we might work together.
Almost all sexual problems are resolvable when you face up to where your sex life is going wrong. You can choose not to settle for second-best and to make your sex life about confidence, pleasure and play rather than sadness, resentment and disappointment.
I would love to hear any comments, suggestions about issues you would like to read about in future and I am happy to answer reader questions in future newsletters.
I will never limit your sexual potential and fully support all forms of sexual behaviour between consenting adults.
I WOULD LIKE TO ENLIST YOUR HELP IN BUILDING MY READERSHIP.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL USING THE LINK BELOW TO ANY PEOPLE YOU THINK WILL BE INTERESTED. |
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