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WELCOME TO THE JULY ISSUE OF VENTURESQUE
 
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Welcome back everyone and a warm greeting to all of my new readers.
 
 I am sending this out on July 9th, which is the date that my baby is due to be born. As yet, there are no signs of immanent labour and I am quite calm because I cannot yet totally grasp the fact that I will be giving birth very soon. I know it's going to happen but it still seems a surreal idea. Better that than anxiety and panic though.
 
 Despite seeing the wisdom of preparing a few newsletters in advance, I have failed to do this so far. I will, though, endeavour to make sure that no month goes by without some words of wisdom from myself when she arrives. Maybe writing this newsletter will help me keep sane and help me remind myself that there is more to who I am than being a mother, even though most of my time will inevitably be spent doing motherhood-type things for a good while yet. In next month's newsletter there will of course be the inevitable photo of new baby! I don't think I will be able to resist.
 
This month I am going back to basics with some practical tips for having better sex.
 
My Top Tip asks you: is your masturbation technique partner-friendly? Or is the way you give yourself pleasure something that is not possible to replicate with someone else present?
 
The main article is a series of simple sex techniques, tips and games that you might like to try just for fun. I felt it had been a while since I had dealt with your bodies rather than your minds, so enjoy.
 
The sex question asks you to face up to identifying the worst thing about your sex life. Whether you are dismally unsatisfied or relatively happy, this question can still bring up ways to improve and make your sex life more fulfilling.
 
 
NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE AVAILABLE HERE http://uksexcoach.com/newsletter-archive.htm
 
 
DETAILS OF MY COACHING SERVICES AND MY
SEX, SELF AND SPIRIT COACHING PROGRAMME AVAILABLE HERE http://uksexcoach.com/fees-and-services.htm
 

woman.selfpleasureDR TARA'S TOP TIP   

IS YOUR MASTURBATION TECHNIQUE PARTNER-FRIENDLY? 
 
I talk to many women who are unhappy because they cannot orgasm during sex with a partner. There are of course many reasons why this might be so but I have found that there is one reason that is relatively easily dealt with when its significance is recognised.  I am talking about not being able to orgasm at all - through any combination of penetration, oral and manual stimulation. Not orgasming through penetration alone is, as you all know by now, neither a problem nor an issue - just a fact for the majority of women. Many men also have difficulty experiencing the same intensity of sexual pleasure with a partner as they do when masturbating. The same principles apply. 
There are two parts to this. Firstly, one of the main obstacles to orgasming with a partner is having a masturbation technique that is very non partner-friendly. If you think about it, the patterns, rhythms, mental scenarios that you create in order to orgasm when you are alone can help or hinder your body's ability to do the same when someone else is participating. For example, if you always masturbate lying on your front, then orgasming when you are on your back may not happen so easily.
 
The second part is working out how to resolve this. Sometimes you need to change your technique. Other times you might want to be brave and tell your partner what they have to do. If you always use a vibrator, your partner is not going to be able to replicate its power, speed and pressure. You could choose to learn how to orgasm by yourself using fingers before letting your partner try or by asking your partner to use the vibrator on you.
What is key is identifying your orgasm triggers and being aware of what needs to be happening that currently isn't.  
 

sexycouple7 SEX MOVES TO SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE

Some techniques you may know. Hopefully there are some ideas that are new to everyone. 
 
Tight Fit - If you want to try experimenting with different sexual stimulation, you can increase friction by the woman keeping her legs together during penetration. This works with missionary and also doggy-style. What you will both feel is that penetration is tighter and some women very much enjoy the self-imposed feeling of restriction when their legs are together. Hint: close your legs after initial penetration or this will be much harder work!
 
Vibe it up - if you would like to experience more of a sense of fullness during penetration, then use a slimline vibrator alongside your partner's penis. Although a smaller penis can stimulate the sensitive entrance area of the vagina, some people do like a feeling of fullness during sex and this is an easy way to achieve this. I'm not talking about an enormous life-sized dildo, but a very slim pocket-sized vibrator - probably no bigger than a finger. I think your partner needs to be feeling pretty confident before you approach him about this, so use your judgement. It will also stimulate his penis so he has everything to gain and very little to lose.
 
Carry-along - if you are your partner like a little outdoor fun, I suggest one of you takes along your favourite sex toys to surprise your partner. Using a toy that you may usually confine to the bedroom in a totally different situation heightens sexual excitement enormously. At a party, at a picnic,  - I am sure you can conjure up a scenario that works for you. This appeals to people who like to take risks -but maybe don't take stupid ones? It's your choice.
 
Bum Fun - if you are a woman who wants to try anal sex, this is for you. Many women say that the best position, especially for nervous first-timers, is with the woman on top. She maintains the control and can choose the depth to which she allows penetration. It makes it easier to jiggle around, get used to the feeling and resist deep penetration if you find you don't want it. Also you get to move your clitoris against his pubic bone for added stimulation.
 
Condom Lube - squirting a small amount of lubricant into the tip of a condom will feel more pleasurable for a man. Always useful to know, especially if you meet someone who is reluctant to use protection.
 
Mouth and Nose - when giving oral sex to a woman, alternate using your tongue and your nose against her clitoris. Yes, really. Because she will feel more pressure from it and you will be able to carry on for longer without having to stop because you have a dry mouth.
 
Wigging It Up - for people who like role play, wearing a wig is enormous fun. Usually the woman gets to flounce around with preposterously long curls or twirl away with a sleek bob. Especially if you have short hair, letting your new long hair drape silkily across his body will be very sexy.
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

women.coupleTHE SEX QUESTION 
 
WHAT'S THE WORST THING ABOUT MY SEX LIFE?

 CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO HAVE SEX? WHY NOT?   Last month I was interested to read an article in a counselling magazine stating that more and more men are losing interest in sex.  This in itself is not surprising, as plenty of women are also feeling somewhat jaded and bored by the state of their sex lives. Can we all remember the fascination and the dizzy sense of magic and wonder that sex used to hold? For many people, the actuality of sex never really matches up to their expectations and this sorry situation typically remains unacknowledged because we are scared to admit the truth.

This month's question may seem negative but it needs to be addressed if you have an unsatisfying sex life. You need to start asking yourself the kinds of questions that will lead you towards the best resolutions.
 
To dig deep, you need to keep repeating this question until you reach a core issue or theme of your current sexual reality.
For example, I might ask a client and they could reply;
'I hate that I can't tell him how I feel, I feel like crying after sex. I would rather go and satisfy myself than talk to him about how I am feeling'.
 
This would be a sad but common scenario. People tell me that they frequently are totally dissatisfied after sex and they go to the bathroom to masturbate rather than communicate. If you are in this situation, you may find yourself asking 'why can't s/he know what I want?'. This is damaging and pointless. Sorry, but if you want to evade owning the responsibility to ask for what you want, you will not have the  sex life that you desire.
 
The responses I have used here lead immediately into more fruitful questions:
what's the worst thing about crying after sex/about not being able to tell someone how you feel?
We then begin to build up a picture of the beliefs, thoughts and behaviour patterns that are restricting your sexual enjoyment. Once you are aware of this, you can begin to work to change how you think, act and react.
 
Working through these challenging questions helps people to realise that the power to change lies within themselves. Facing the truth means that you begin to see options, choices and alternatives that you cannot see when you are hiding from sexual honesty.
 
 

 

 
 

 

gold bannerWHO AM I?

You have been reading a newsletter lovingly crafted by me, Dr Tara Few, The UK Sex Coach. I work as a sexrelationship and singles coach. 
 
Sex coaching helps you to make sex about pleasure not performance. You can increase your confidence, calm your sexual anxieties, explore your sexual style and remove the emotional and physical blocks that might reduce your capacity for sexual and sensual pleasure. I work with people who have chosen to do all that they can to make their ideal sex life a reality.
 
Relationship coaching
helps you to communicate more successfully, reduces conflict and enables you to understand your own and your partner's needs, priorities and desires by working out what's not working, what needs to change and how to move forward.  It is also about fun and excitement and discovering things about yourself and each other that you never knew.  My clients are people who feel that something important is missing from their relationship and who often aren't sure whether the relationship is worth saving.
 
Singles coaching will help you to reflect upon the role that you want a relationship to play in the new and exciting life that you will make for yourself. Are YOU ready for a relationship? Well find out.  I work with people who want to build their self-knowledge, self-esteem and to massively increase their confidence, optimism, purpose and joy in life. 

               

WOULD YOU LIKE TO WORK WITH ME? 
 
 
I coach individuals and couples to get in touch with what makes them sexually happy, confident and fulfilled, resolve relationship dissatisfactions and help  you to discover a life full of hope, passion and purpose.
 
 
Sex, relationship and singles coaching helps you to examine your life, your relationship (or lack of one) and sexual satisfaction and enables you to bring back optimism, courage and direction to the sex life you create and the person you want to become. 
 
 
GET YOUR SELF, YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR SEX LIFE BACK IN BALANCE.
 
The first step is easy.
 
Get in touch with me now to arrange a free consultation.
 
If you know that your sex life is making you feel frustrated and frustrating, bored and boring, undesirable and without desire, then get in touch to arrange a time for us to talk. I offer a free 20-30 minute consultation, in which we can get to know each other better and decide how well we might work together.
 
Almost all sexual problems are resolvable when you face up to where your sex life is going wrong. You can choose not to settle for second-best and to make your sex life about confidence, pleasure and play rather than sadness, resentment and disappointment.
 
 
My website can be found at  www.uksexcoach.com
 
Visit my blog at http://venturesque.typepad.com
 
 
I would love to hear any comments, suggestions about issues you would like to read about in future and I am happy to answer reader questions in future newsletters.
I will never limit your sexual potential and fully support all forms of sexual behaviour between consenting adults.
 
 
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