UK Sex Coach, Sex Coaching

New clients frequently tell me that they have put off beginning coaching for weeks or months because of one thing - fear. Although their sex life and/ore relationship has been causing them considerable misery, thinking about actually making a change seems very scary. Almost every client I have had has told me after only a couple of sessions I wish I'd done this sooner.Change is unpredictable. I can't say it's easy because it does demand personal strength, self-reflection and a willingness to experiment with new ways of thinking and exploring different behaviours. However, instead of feeling as if exploring this 'new you' is relentlessly hard work, most people find change tremendously exhilarating. I have listed the 5 most common warning signs that your self, your life and your sexuality are badly out of balance.

Warning! You need sex coaching

1. You spend more time trying to avoid having sex than you do actually having sex

Many clients come to me after they have spent months or years seeing sex as an ordeal rather than a pleasure. People get stuck seeing their situation through a very narrow filter that gives them few or no options to make things better. What happens next? Something has to change or else despair and hopelessness will be the first things that come to mind when you think about sex, rather than excitement, intimacy passion or connection. Avoidance merely buries the problem. It does nothing to resolve it. Talking things through with someone else will give you fresh perspective and enable you to come up with new options and choices as to how you wish to progress.

2. You have stopped masturbating, thinking and fantasising about sex.

A lack of any sexual thoughts (compared to previous times in your life) usually signifies that something in your life is not as you would like it to be. Not many people can retain a sense of self-esteem, sexual attractiveness in the complete absence of any sexual awareness of themselves. Many of my clients are people who can look back to an exciting and stimulating sex life at an earlier time.They come to me because they miss that part of themselves. They want to feel sexual again. We work together to create opportunities for their sexuality to be freely and joyfully expressed once again.

3.You no longer notice when other people are attracted to you and you do not look at other people with sexual interest.

Sexual energy fires up the whole of your life, not just your sex life. When this is missing, then most of us feel dispirited, asexual and begin to lose any sense that we deserve or are entitled to sexual pleasure. This will take its toll on your confidence and well-being. Some clients report feeling sexually invisible and almost giving up on being a person whose sexual energy shines and draws people to them. Through coaching, we can explore how you can reconnect with your sexual energy and use your sexual history to review your sex life and build up a picture of how you can increase your magnetism, attraction and confidence.

4. You keep telling yourself that things will get better when ... the kids are older, when . . . this work project is finished . . . when you have a new job ...

This is one of the most used excuses for not doing anything: creating justifications that blame your situation on one current stressor (children, job, work colleagues) so that you can imagine that when this is no longer in your life than your sex life can return to normal. You cannot bargain with your sexuality like this - or you may not have a sex life or relationship to come back to. Minor issues will just become massive problems when they are unacknowledged and ignored. They will not go away. They will get worse.

5.You tell yourself that everyone feels the same as you so there is no point in trying to make things better.

Since when is comparing yourself to an imagined population of people settling for mediocre sex a good reason not to change? Making comparisons is a futile, destructive exercise because (1) you never know the 'truth' of other people's experiences, only what you imagined them to be and (2) why should you resign yourself to anything just because others might be prepared to do so?

For most people, when sex starts to fade and lose its grandeur, they resign themselves to the loss of their sexuality and a lack of sexual pleasure. Sex coaching helps people to realise that we can all choose what we are prepared to accept and who we want to be sexually.