UK Sex Coach, Sex Coaching

Common Mistakes Giving Oral Sex to A Woman

1. Using the tongue like a mini penis and thrusting it in and out of her vagina. This is lazy oral sex. There is little to be gained by using your tongue in the same way as you use a penis. The reason why so many women are more likely to orgasm through oral stimulation is because you can do so much with a tongue that is beyond the reach of a penis. Your focus is the clitoris, the part of women that can generate the most exquisite of pleasurable feelings and the part that the penis has great difficulty reaching.

2. Being Too Rushed. Take Your Time and build anticipation by working slowly towards the clitoris and not homing in on it immediately. Oral sex is soft and wet and friction-free so tends not to leave women feeling sore. Instead of relying on an in and out motion, think in terms of circular movements that begin around the outer edges of the vulva and moving tantalisingly closer to the clitoris. Remember, the vulva is the outer part of the woman's genitalia - what you see as you look between her legs. You only see the vagina when you open the labia. It's a vaginal canal, its space is inside her body.

3. Stretching her too wide, too soon. Grabbing hold of the labia and pulling them apart may not be to everyone's taste. Allow time for her arousal to build before you do any stretching.

4. Not using your hands. Although we talk about oral sex, every oral session can be improved by using your hands as well as your tongue. The tongue is the master of the clitoris but the finger can be the mistress of vaginal pleasure. A combination of slow, soft licks of the clitoris and firm, rhythmic stimulation of the vagina is usually a big hit with most women.

5. Stop-start tactics and changing technique too often. Why people think it's a great idea to build up to some highly pleasurable rhythm and then suddenly stopping without warning and doing something else is a mystery. I think it's a misunderstanding of what it takes for women to orgasm. Women do not have a point of no return. Unlike men, who will get to a point of ejaculatory inevitability (whatever you do or don't do, he's going to come anyway) and so the slightest variation or change in stimulation can stop a female orgasm in its tracks. Pay attention to her pleasure. If she is enjoying what you are doing, keep doing it.

Common Mistakes Giving Oral Sex to a Man

1, Preparation. If you run your fingers through his pubic hair, this will dislodge any stray hairs that could get stuck in your teeth later and allow a smoother operation. It also awakens the nerve endings around his pubic area and thus begins the process of arousal.

2. Tongue before hands. He may take a while to become aroused, so again don't rush with the tongue action and don't begin frantically masturbating him from the outset.

Experiment with different tongue actions. Your tongue is a strong muscle, capable of providing intense sensations. Use it flat like you're licking an ice-cream or more firmly to give a more intense and concentrated sensation.

3. Letting your mouth get tired. To prevent sore jaw, make a ring shape with your thumb and forefinger and place around the base of his penis. This slows down his thrusts and stops him being able to control you by pushing your head. You can then move your hand in rhythm with your mouth to increase sensation.

4. Forgetting the testicles and the anus. Oral sex does not stop with the penis. The testicles are immensely sensitive and licking around here arouses his whole genital area. If his erection diminishes slightly whilst you do this, it does not mean he is not enjoying it. It is not as intense as penis action but it is enabling him a more whole-body sensual experience. His anus and bottom area are also sensitive to stimulation. A finger applied to his prostrate being the most popularly documented.

5. Knowing the key pleasure points to reawaken his erection. For most men these are (1) the glans is the head (top) of the penis and is more sensitive than the shaft, (2) around the perineum (between anus and testicles), (3) the coronal ridge is the ridge at the base of the glans and (4) the frenulum, which is highly sensitive and runs up the coronal ridge from the shaft to the glans.

One more thing, don't think that to give a good blow job you need to take all of his penis into your mouth. The average erect penis is around 6 inches and the average distance from base of the tongue to throat is 3.5 inches. So it's not just you who can't take it all in!

For both men and women, the most important thing to do is beyond technique - be enthusiastic and enjoy it! The tips I give are general and there is no substitute for asking and paying close attention to what your partner likes and enjoys.