UK Sex Coach, Sex Coaching

This is one of those months when I don't write an article but I do give you some random tips about giving pleasure that I hope will be useful for you. I have grouped them into a Valentines issue as February 14th is one night that you can explicitly make a special effort - suggesting and asking for new things - without it arising too much suspicion and without prompting a major bout of sexual insecurity in your partner.

1. Make it Last

Decide that the next time you make love, you are going to insist upon a long and slow build-up. Many people's ideas of what 'sex' is stop as 10 minutes of foreplay which is only done to get the woman ready for penetration. This impoverishes both partners' sexual experiences.

Teasing and building anticipation is going to increase sexual tension. There is less frantic urgency (nothing wrong with this, of course, but not as the only way to have sex) and more opportunity to focus on sensation. Men often rush into intercourse because they are afraid that they will lose their erection. The truth is that erections may well wane during an extended sexual experience and that usually a mouth or hand can bring it back!

And now for some general Oral Sex Tips

2. French Lapping

The ways that you can vary oral sex are to do with altering the pressure, rhythm, shape and speed of the tongue. French lapping means using your tongue like licking an ice cream cone. You can use the broad blade of your tongue to switch between the clitoris and the vagina. So, think of long strokes with a slight pause in between and a swirling movement.

3. Remember, the more you stop and start clitoral stimulation, the more drawn-out and intense the experience is going to be but the more likelihood there is of frustrating your partner. Women differ in their tolerance for stop-start and so it's a safer bet to think in terms of slow build-up rather than teasing by stop-start. As always, ask your partner if you are unsure what she prefers. Women's sexual response is more likely to be characterised by a need for a consistent rhythm of clitoral stimulation. Men may enjoy more the teasing of giving and withdrawing sexual stimulation.

4.Butterfly Flick

Flick the tongue from side to side immediately underneath the clitoris. This needs a firm tongue, so think of making it stiffer and making shorter, sharper movements. You can add in a tongue twirl, by circling the clitoris itself with your tongue using a featherlight movements. Not for too long though. Try alternating between direct and indirect clitoral stimulation.

5. Tongue shaping

Giving oral sex to a man is a question of varying the speed, pressure and rhythm of stimulation. Using hand and tongue is a good idea. Try holding the penis with one hand whilst you run your tongue up one side, over the tip and down the other side. This is another ice cream lick action; slow and steady and sweeping.

6.Swallowing Up

Try moving your lips as far down the shaft (length) of the penis as you can and then focus on sucking with your mouth. This feels like being swallowed. Apparently.

7. Round and round

Combining shaft and tip stimulation is a good bet with most men. Moving your tonuge up and down and then swirling it over the top.

8. Try using some lubricant as well (flavoured) if you want to add in another, different sensation for him.

With all these tips, variety is key. So try different things (maybe 1 or 2) in the same sexual encounter and see what happens. All of the best sex is about being interested in the uniqueness of your partner's sexual response. With this attitude you can't 'fail', since all sex is about exploring and finding out what works best. Part of that is, by necessity, recognising what doesn't work. The willingness to try something new without judging yourself and your own sexual competence and value by the results you get is what being a good lover means.