UK Sex Coach, Sex Coaching

<<< BACK TO THE NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE PAGE

IN THIS ISSUE

Dr Tara's Top Tip - Your Sexy Christmas Stocking

How To Have A Sex-Happy Christmas

The Sex Question - what can I give to someone else?

Working with Me

WELCOME TO THE DECEMBER ISSUE OF VENTURESQUE

THE FESTIVE FRIVOLITY ISSUE

Hello to all new subscribers and a warm welcome back to all of my regular readers.

I decided that this month's issue is to be dedicated to fun and pleasure. It's packed with tips, tricks and facts that will get you thinking and inspire you to some sexual exploration. Yes, we are in December so there is a bit of a theme.

My Top Tip concerns how to fill a sexy Christmas stocking. Toys and gadgets will not mend an unhappy sex life but they can certainty enhance pleasure, increase self-knowledge and facilitate partner communication.

The article is about how to have a sex-happy Christmas. I've written down some of the tips and techniques that have been most successful in improving my clients' sex lives.

The Sex Question celebrates the joy of giving. Our own personal happiness and contentment is most definitely increased when we do things that make other people happy, so what can you do to make someone else feel special?

I end this festive missive with some personal news of my own that I would like to share with you all. I am pregnant! And yes it does deserve an exclamation mark, at least as far as I am concerned. Perhaps it's bad form for a sex coach to admit this but it wasn't planned. Having said that perhaps taking a calculated risk is as close as I was prepared to come to actively making a decision to have a baby. I left it to fate and I am here to tell you all that, at the age of 39, you only need one chance to get pregnant. I've blogged about this here http://venturesque.typepad.com/venturesque/ if you want to read more.

If you are enjoying reading this, please forward it to anyone that you think will be interested. New people can sign-up for themselves on my website.

DR TARA'S TOP TIP - SEXY SANTA'S CHRISTMAS STOCKING

This month, I think it is only right that I suggest some sexy little toys and games that you might want to give to or share with a partner. If you don't have a partner, give them to yourself. You are, of course, just as deserving.

LUBE Every stocking needs some lubricant. For people that have never used lube, you are in for a treat. It need not be a substitute for a lack of vaginal lubrication. It is a pleasure producer in its own right. I think it is probably more something for adding some extra sensation for stimulating and stroking the penis, although many women do use it for masturbation. If your partner is male and he has not experienced being stroked with the gliding and slippery excitement of lube, then please go and do it.

CLONE-A-WILLY KIT Yes, it really is possible to buy a modelling kit that will allow you to make a perfect replica of your partner's penis, which you can then use as a sex toy. This possibility seems to me to open up a great deal of potential for having a bit of a laugh as well as persuading more resistant men that they have no need to feel threatened by a woman who likes to pleasure herself.

VIBRATING EGGS If I told you that the Vibrating Dream Egg promises to "put a party in your pants every time you use it", how would you react? This is a remote control sex toy so if you are into the idea of controlling someone else's sexual arousal or having your own desire in another person's hands, then this may well appeal to you. Vibrating eggs are pretty small, around 2.5 inches, usually have a variety of speeds and patterns and can work from a distance of up to 60 feet.

COCK RING Cock rings are something you will love or hate. They are designed to help men last longer and to increase pleasure for both of you. You may need to experiment with different sorts as they come in different materials. I think the stretchier the better as you will get a better fit. Check what kind of release mechanism there is and make sure you know how to use it. Most importantly, do not leave one on for too long. Many come with nodules that stimulate the clitoris and I have seen ones that have an attachment for a very small vibrator (e.g. the Magic Bullet) that will give amazing sensations for both of you. If you aren't quite sure what to do with a cock ring, visit my blog here http://venturesque.typepad.com/venturesque/and everything will become a whole lot clearer.

PROSTATE MASSAGER If any of you have a male partner who is up to try anything, then I urge you to give this a go. Whilst many men might know, in theory, that the prostate is like the male G spot, fewer of them are willing to explore anal pleasure. Orgasms through prostate stimulation are reported as being totally different from ejaculatory orgasms, as prostate stimulation has the capacity to produce full-body and non-ejaculatory orgasms that feel far more intense. Prostate massagers also stimulate the perineum (the area between the scrotum and the anus). Some sensitivity is needed here. Use loads of lube, go slow and steady and if he's just not interested, then respect his feelings and just leave it.

KAMA SUTRA PLAYING CARDS A bit of fun for extending your sexual repertoire. These packs reproduce the key positions of the Kama Sutra. Most couples don't use them as cards per se but just as random idea generators, to add an element of surprise to an evening. You can do loads of different things with them. Each of you can choose a Top 10 and then compare your preferences, or you can try guessing what your partner would enjoy. I leave it up to you.

SHAFT SLEEVES are textured finger puppets that slip over a finger or the base of the penis. A fun aid to masturbation.

MONOGAMY - THE BOARD GAME Perhaps this does not immediately grab you as being an exciting night in. Think again. This is ideal for couples (or groups of couples, whatever you fancy) and playing it opens you up to a whole new sexual adventure. There are close to 400 different ideas or actions, played at your choice of 3 levels: intimate, steamy or passionate. The winner gets to live out their choice of 50 different sexual fantasies. It's great for improving communication and finding out more about yourself and a partner.

There are so many more things I could tempt you with; musical condoms, butt plugs, the Ohmibod (who wouldn't like to have a vibrator powered by your iPod? You wouldn't? Well, it was just a thought), blindfolds and dressing up/costume wear. The internet is not short of adult sex shops so why not go exploring.

Sex toys are designed to enhance the pleasure of sexual sensations, not to mend a struggling relationship or sex life. I suggest them to clients who have worked through their beliefs, values, fears and anxieties about sex and who are now ready to explore more about their own sexual response. When sex no longer means performance and you have reconnected with sex as fun, playfulness and pleasure, then try everything that intrigues you and you can find ways to keep your sexuality exciting and challenging. Enjoy.

HOW TO HAVE A SEX-HAPPY CHRISTMAS

This is not so much an article as a collection of ideas and techniques to make sex more fun, exciting and pleasurable.

Shallow thrusting - as the front third of the vagina is by far the most sensitive, then it makes sense to concentrate the depth of thrusting around the vaginal entrance. Shallow thrusting just means that you vary the depth and speed of penetration so that you allow arousal to build rather than penetrating very deeply from the beginning. Starting with shallow and then throwing in the occasional deeper thrust might be a good way to start exploring what you both like.

Oral technique - for a female partner. Most people lie between the woman's legs and move their tongue vertically over the vulva and clitoris. An alternative is to lie at the side (so your head and her body are at right angles) and move your tongue across the vulva. Use different tongue movements - sometimes deep licks, little flicks and circling motions. Variety helps you work out what's best and when you've found what works, then keep to a consistent rhythm.

Manual stimulation - for a male partner. For many men, having their penis stroked will feel the best when it most resembles what they do when masturbating. For this reason, imagine that you are starting at the base of the penis and working upwards. Many people work top-down, so to speak. You can try sitting behind him and reaching around as this feels fantastic to most men.

Act on feelings of arousal - I am sure that most of us ignore those spontaneous feelings of desire and arousal that we may experience. Why? Within the realms of possibility and practicality (being big and brave about constitutes the Possible), acting on desire is a great way to connect sexually with a partner. Often it means being sexual in a place or at a time when you are not normally and this can make sex more exciting and unpredictable. You run a risk that the other person mIght not be interested so you can either try a little seductive persuasion or be physically affectionate instead. Why not decide to make this festive period a time to have sex somewhere you haven't before or in a different position?

Champagne blow-job - self -explanatory I think. You will lose a considerable amount of the precious alcohol but it is fun and silly, things that Christmas can be all about. It probably won't be the most physically intense oral experience of your life but it will likely be a great experience. Fill your mouth with bubbles and carefully let his penis enter for a bit of a bubble bath.

Finger-licking good - ask your partner (male or female) to demonstrate on your finger (male) or the palm of your hand (female) the exact type of oral stimulation that they most enjoy. And learn from this.

Tasty mouth - She fills her mouth with lube (something flavoured) before oral sex and the sensation of silky smooth moisture will feel great for him. It mimics the sensation of entering a vagina and adds an element of novelty for oral stimulation.

Anatomy lesson - who won't benefit from this? Not many people I would say. This is for the benefit of your female partner. Get hold of a book that has a clear picture of the female genitalia and then look at this whilst comparing with your partner's vulva and genital area. Maybe this sounds bit clinical but there is no better way for you both to gain greater understanding of where and how she most likes to be touched. Look and learn. Most of the time we remain literally in the dark about the location, appearance and changes in the clitoris as a woman becomes aroused. Take the time to have a clear view and she will thank you, I promise.

Like any sex tips, there is no substitute for asking how well something is working and nothing wrong with either of you if something that turns a lot of other people on does nothing for you. Move on to something else and keep on learning.

THE SEX QUESTION

Each month I will be sending you off with a sex question to ask. Sometimes it will be something to get you thinking about your own sexual style and attitudes and only you will be able to answer it. Other times the question can work as aid to sexual communication and help you to become more confident discussing sex with your partner.

WHAT CAN I GIVE TO SOMEONE ELSE?

This month I continue my relentlessly cheerful and positive tone by asking you to do something that will allow you to experience the pleasure of giving. I have been reading a lot lately about abundance: do you feel that there is more than enough of everything for everybody? Great, then you have an abundant mindset already and you know that for someone to win, nobody has to lose. There is more than enough to go round. If you feel that things are limited and that, for someone to win, someone else has to lose - whether it is for example love, money, success, friendship - then you are operating out of scarcity. What we give out, we get back.

I believe that we can all read and understand the presence, strength and tone of other people's energies; whether it is warm, enthusiastic and positive or whether it seems more distant, cold, draining and negative. Giving something to another person will make you feel fabulous and your generosity will create a positive and peaceful energy that will fill you up with warmth and good cheer. Let us celebrate the wonder of giving.

I leave it up to you as to how sexual you want to make this. The crucial questions to ask are:

Who to I want to receive my gift?

Is it a partner, a parent, friend, child? This question is about you getting in touch with the generous and intuitive part of yourself so ask, what makes me choose this person?

What do I want to give them?

Is it pleasure, understanding, your time, energy, resources? Finding out what you want to give will indicate where your life may be out of balance and what you might be withholding from expression most of the time. It might also indicate something about what you would like to receive from other people.

How do I feel afterwards?

I hope that you feel energised, positive with maybe a glow of pleasure about how it feels to share something of yourself with another person. How was it for you?

WHO AM I?