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What are the top 10 reasons why people do not like to give oral sex? Read on.
1. Hygiene. Boys and girls, you have got to be clean. It does tend to be women more than men who complain that their partner could do with a shower before sex or before expecting you to suck away merrily. Don't use this as an excuse if you just don't like the smell. That is not the same at all. If your partner smells sweaty and unclean, yes make sure he or she has a freshen up. If you have a dislike of the smell of clean male or female genitals, that is a different matter and more tricky to deal with.
2. I don't like the smell Some people are more comfortable with their own and their partner's secretions and fluids than others. That's a fact. Some of you are never going to truly enjoy the smell of your partner's genitals, even when they are clean and fresh. The clients I have worked with who confessed to being turned off by sexual smells and tastes usually go on to reveal a more general sexual inhibition and lack of ease with their sexuality. Sometimes this can be resolved by spending time paying attention to your partner's genitals; touching, smelling,licking and teasing. Sensual massage and then watching the build-up of arousal can help. Looking MORE and becoming more familiar is a way to take away some of the fear and anxiety around sexual organs and see them as part of your partner. Sometimes using a flavoured condom or adding in something that you do like the smell of (melted chocolate, ice cream,
3. I don't like the taste Add something that you do like the taste of; honey, cream, chocolate sauce/mousse or use a flavoured condom. Make this part of the experience and be generous. The taste of semen does change according to what you eat. NEVER NEVER NEVER try to give oral sex to a guy who has eaten a load of asparagus. You will regret it. The top 3 foods that are claimed to improve the taste of semen are cinnamon, celery and pineapple.
4. Why should I? Some people do get into a mindset of point-scoring with their partner (he didn't do X, so I won't do Y) and sadly this can extend to sexual behaviour. The best lovers know the joy and power of giving sexual pleasure. The more you are happy to give, the more your partner wants to pleasure you too. A typical withholding pattern goes something like this; A is angry with B about something. B has no idea about this. A expects B to know exactly why they are angry. B does not. A becomes convinced that B does know but is doing nothing about it. B has no idea. A decides that s/he does not feel like being sexual and starts to avoid sex/particular sex acts that B enjoys until B apologises and admits A is right. About everything. B notices that A is not interested in sex and starts to worry. B cannot mention this. B believes A may not be attracted to him anymore. A and B are losing intimacy, confidence, self-esteem, hope and there are virtually no feelings of sexual desire and generosity left between them.
If you have a problem, be a grown-up and talk about it. Directly and clearly.
5. I don't want to swallow This is so common. If you insist that you do not want to swallow, then no blatant spitting please. I have discussed this issue with a number of clients now and the best compromise we have come up with is to encourage him to come over another part of your body. Or to swallow into your mouth (not your throat) and discretely get rid (although of course he knows what you are doing).
6. I don't know what to do Lack of confidence is a major reason for a lack of oral action. People would rather not try at all than try and 'fail' (however that is possible). This is something that I have heard from men and women. Women who have little experience are unsure of what to do and men may have some experience but believe they aren't doing it right because their partner never seems to come. Ask your partner to masturbate in front of you and watch how they touch themselves (this is just fun anyway). Read up on technique in books or online. Be prepared to ask 'how does this feel?' 'do you like this?' if you want more direct feedback. Relax and remember that your partner is likely to be happy with what you do. We tend to be far more critical of our own sexual technique than we are of our partner's. Be enthusiastic and open to asking questions about what they most like and enjoy it!
7. I don't feel comfortable giving oral to this guy/girl If you are with someone you don't know well, then you do not have to give oral just because s/he wants and expects it. Tough. If you do not want to give oral as often as your partner wants it, work out a compromise. It is not good for you to do it and resent it and it might seem as if your partner doesn't mind but men and women are sensitive to feeling that their partner is going through the motions. One thing that men do that makes most women feel used and resentful is to keep pushing her head down onto your penis. Let her control the pace.
8. It takes too long, complain some men. Well, of course you don't want to get tongue ache so let your fingers take over for a while. Try not to act bored. You will spend even longer trying to get her to orgasm and nothing will happen anyway because she knows you are bored.
9. I can't deep throat. No-one expects you to ( I hope). You can try the yawn top tip to create more space but remember that the head/glans of the penis is the most sensitive so spend some time there. Use your hands as well to give him the feeling of deeper thrusting. Use lube or plenty of saliva.
10. I am worried about sexually transmitted infections. And you are right to be. This is important. You can catch STIs from oral sex. Oral sex is a lower risk than intercourse but there is a risk so use a condom/dental dam if you are unsure about your partner's sexual health or avoid oral until you are sure about their health.
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It was a fancy dress party and Eden wore a quite vast flamenco dress that my parents brought back from Spain. She also happily carried balloons around despite the fact that the last birthday party she went to a couple of months ago, she claimed to be terrified of balloons and cried hysterically and all balloons had to be removed from the party room. Ahh, happy times.
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