HOW TO ORGASM THROUGH INTERCOURSE
(if you really need to!)
Women who are unable to orgasm when having penetrative sex are often frustrated and confused about their sexual response and feel that their bodies are letting them down in some way. Let's start with the basics. Despite the fact that most women (about 70-75% and these percentages have remained unchanged for decades and across many different surveys) will have some difficulty achieving orgasm through intercourse alone, many women (and men) continue to feel that their sex life is lacking in some way if this does not happen. Furthermore many experts believe that around 50-60% of women will never orgasm through penetration alone. And that could be a hell of a lot of women with normal sexual response losing sexual confidence and feeling disillusioned and sad.
Working with clients I have found that women and men can become unhealthily attached to equating their sexual worth (and that of their partner) with their ability to orgasm through intercourse. As people often generalise about sexual response, if a previous partner did orgasm through intercourse, then there can be great confusion when your next lover does not orgasm in that way. And no, there is nothing wrong with her (or with you).
The reason why vaginal-penile orgasm does not happen easily for most is a basic question of sexual anatomy, specifically the quality of the angle, friction and pressure that can be felt on the clitoris from the thrusting action of the penis. The clitoris is easily the most sexually sensitive part of a woman. The vagina has way fewer nerve endings than the clitoris and what there are, are situated around the first third/entrance of the vagina. Most women will want direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm and the in-out motion of penetration during intercourse does nothing for the clitoris. To confuse things even further, the head/glans of the clitoris itself swells when aroused and seems to disappear inside the clitoral hood, making it even more resistant to penile stimulation!
I do believe that the effortless orgasms represented in most film, television and porn are grossly misleading and unrealistic. If you are very keen to experience orgasm with a penis inside you, then there are some tips that may make this possible, although not for everyone and not for every couple. My biggest tip would be not to worry and not to obsess about intercourse orgasms and develop your appreciation of the pleasure you gain from the orgasms that you can enjoy. Aside from CHANGING YOUR ATTITUDE, I recognise that many women do want to try to achieve orgasm through intercourse, then my main tips centre around position, timing and props.
POSITION
The missionary position is probably the least helpful way to achieve an intercourse orgasm because of the lack of clitoral stimulation. A much better bet is WOMAN ON TOP (where she can control the pace and angle of penetration and is also able to grind/rub herself against her partner's pubic bone for clitoral stimulation).
The COITAL ALIGNMENT TECHNIQUE is a position that is supposed to increase a woman's chances of orgasm through intercourse. It is a kind of revised missionary position but with the man's body position altered so that the penis enters the vagina from a higher angle. The motion is more rhythmic and rocking and the focus is on the contact of the clitoris and base of the penis rather than penetration and thrusting. Google CAT or coital alignment and you will find loads of information. It is quite complicated to explain.
TIMING
If you occasionally orgasm through intercourse then you can try manual/oral stimulation until you are highly aroused and very near the edge and then hope that penetration can push you over into orgasm during intercourse (but I still think that some direct manual clitoral stimulation may be necessary for many).
If you have never experienced orgasm through intercourse then PROPS/ADDITIONAL STIMULATION will help and this is not cheating! Positions with the MAN BEHIND THE WOMAN (eg kneeling, doggy-style) make manual clitoral stimulation easy by either partner. Adding a VIBRATOR during penetration is also a very successful way of orgasming with a penis inside you.
At some point we could question whether it is worth the effort of trying to make women's sexual responses conform to an unrealistic ideal of perfect sex. The expectation is that straight intercourse 'should' be as pleasurable for a woman as it is for a man whilst the reality is that it it isn't as intense and is less satisfying for many women (leaving aside that it is entirely possible to experience as highly pleasurable something that does not result in orgasm).
If you are woman who has not orgasmed through intercourse and you desperately want to, then you can feel what it is like to orgasm with a penis inside you (and this is the feeling that many women tell me they want) by using toys/fingers. And you are in very good company.
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