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WELCOME TO THE APRIL ISSUE OF VENTURESQUE
 THE INTIMACY ISSUE A slightly later mail-out this month as I have been sunning myself in Madeira on a final baby-free holiday. I am now 6 months pregnant and becoming vaster and more cumbersome by the day it seems. Nevertheless I battle on through the anaemia, huge stomach, fatigue and occasionally disappearing sense of humour to being you the latest issue!
This month's issue looks at intimacy and includes:
a look at the benefits of sharing your sexual secrets
ideas for exercises to help you build sensuality and intimacy into your relationship
and invites you to be more open about your sexual anxieties with your partner. |
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DETAILS OF MY COACHING SERVICES AND MY
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DR TARA'S TOP TIP - SHARE A SEXUAL SECRET
Most people will have a slightly different definition of intimacy. Hopefully, all these definitions will share some variation of the idea of knowing and being known by another person. This means sharing who we are - even the bits of ourselves that we may not like - with someone else.
Sexual secrets - are you being yourself when you are sexual? Many people that I work with find the quality and intensity of their sex lives lacking because they find it very difficult to BE sexual in the way that is most arousing to them. What many people are afraid of is the vulnerability that comes with allowing someone else access to your deepest desires. However, a second-rate sex life is the cost of letting fear of disapproval rule your erotic imagination and behaviour.
One simple game that works well is SEXUAL SECRETS. You and your partner write/tell each other one sexual secret a week for a month. It can be anything that you would like to share but feel afraid to. There are probably things that you really do not want to share and those are the things that can remain private. The secrets you want to tell are those that you know and feel would really improve your sexual confidence and enjoyment IF ONLY your partner knew.
I cannot deny that there is some risk in this as nobody knows how someone will react to hearing somebody else's deep sexual truths. Overwhelmingly, people report massive relief at the acceptance they receive from their partners as well as a heightened sense of closeness and increased sexual fulfilment when they are able to be more themselves when they make love.
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SENSUAL EXERCISES TO INCREASE INTIMACY
These exercises can help you to experience the connection between sexual and emotional intimacy. Although many people believe that women yearn for emotional connection, whilst men crave physical and explicitly sexual excitement, I have found this to be untrue. It is unhelpful to generalise about male and female sexuality. Never are all men and all women wanting, desiring and loving in the same ways. Men enjoy becoming more sensual and connected as much as women do. The exercises are to be done naked, although sex is not a necessary conclusion to what happens, unless you want it to be.
Belly Breathing
Co-ordinating your breathing with your partner is relaxing and builds an experience of togetherness/oneness. Lie naked and side by side in a top to toe position (i.e. your head at his/her feet). Place your hands on each other's tummies and feels the rise of fall of your partner's stomach.
Lover's Steeple
Get ready to experience the power of sustained eye contact. Sit naked and cross-legged and across from each other with the tips of your fingers gently touching. Stare into each other's eyes without saying a word. If either of you feels awkward and starts to laugh or break contact, it is fine. Just keep coming back to the eye contact and you will be able to maintain it for longer.
Heartbeat Heat
This combines breathing and eye contact. Sit naked with your legs wrapped around your partner's waist. Stare into each other's eyes and inhale at the same time, exhale at the same time. Each of you put your right hand on your partner's heart and feel the heartbeat. Close your eyes. What do you feel about your partner now? Open your eyes and look into partner's left eye and then into the right eye.
Change the breathing patterns so that, as one of you inhales, the other exhales. Do this for 2-3 minutes and then reverse the breathing pattern.
If you choose one of these or work your way through (not all on the same occasion) all 3, you will be allowing space in your relationship to start building a deep and profound connection with your partner. The exercises can easily be incorporated into your sexual and sensual lives. Everybody, at least sometimes, wants to feel something more than physical sensation. Although no words are spoken, a great deal of emotion is generated and almost everyone who has tried out some of these ideas has gained greatly in finding a new sense of intimacy, affection and desire for their partner. |
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THE SEX QUESTION
If you feel that you and your partner have lost the closeness and easy affection that you once had, it is important to know that this feeling need not have been lost for ever. You need to acknowledge that it is not possible to be deeply intimate without sharing who you are and allowing yourself to be known - to reveal your thoughts, preferences, what most arouses you and what makes you anxious. To help couples overcome communication issues based on intimacy fears, I ask them to discuss with each other one question:
What do you worry about sexually?
Sharing sexual anxieties comes as a big relief to most people. It allows you to express a whole range of sexual attitudes and fears and it gives you access to your partner's concerns. Often people become much more forgiving and gain greater understanding of the issues they are facing.
If you find it impossible to do this exercise, it indicates that your anxieties are rooted in a lack of self-acceptance and that this needs to be worked on before you feel able to share more of yourself. |
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 WHO AM I?
You have been reading a newsletter lovingly crafted by me, Dr Tara Few, The UK Sex Coach. I work as a sex, relationship and singles coach.
Sex coaching helps you to make sex about pleasure not performance. You can increase your confidence, calm your sexual anxieties, explore your sexual style and remove the emotional and physical blocks that might reduce your capacity for sexual and sensual pleasure. I work with people who have chosen to do all that they can to make their ideal sex life a reality.
Relationship coaching helps you to communicate more successfully, reduces conflict and enables you to understand your own and your partner's needs, priorities and desires by working out what's not working, what needs to change and how to move forward. It is also about fun and excitement and discovering things about yourself and each other that you never knew. My clients are people who feel that something important is missing from their relationship and who often aren't sure whether the relationship is worth saving.
Singles coaching will help you to reflect upon the role that you want a relationship to play in the new and exciting life that you will make for yourself. Are YOU ready for a relationship? Well find out. I work with people who want to build their self-knowledge, self-esteem and to massively increase their confidence, optimism, purpose and joy in life.
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WOULD YOU LIKE TO WORK WITH ME?
I coach individuals and couples to get in touch with what makes them sexually happy, confident and fulfilled, resolve relationship dissatisfactions and help you to discover a life full of hope, passion and purpose.
Sex, relationship and singles coaching helps you to examine your life, your relationship (or lack of one) and sexual satisfaction and enables you to bring back optimism, courage and direction to the sex life you create and the person you want to become.
GET YOUR SELF, YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR SEX LIFE BACK IN BALANCE.
Get in touch with me now to arrange a free consultation.
If you know that your sex life is making you feel frustrated and frustrating, bored and boring, undesirable and without desire, then get in touch to arrange a time for us to talk. I offer a free 20-30 minute consultation, in which we can get to know each other better and decide how well we might work together.
Almost all sexual problems are resolvable when you face up to where your sex life is going wrong. You can choose not to settle for second-best and to make your sex life about confidence, pleasure and play rather than sadness, resentment and disappointment.
I would love to hear any comments, suggestions about issues you would like to read about in future and I am happy to answer reader questions in future newsletters.
I will never limit your sexual potential and fully support all forms of sexual behaviour between consenting adults.
I WOULD LIKE TO ENLIST YOUR HELP IN BUILDING MY READERSHIP.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL USING THE LINK BELOW TO ANY PEOPLE YOU THINK WILL BE INTERESTED. |
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